Stuart came for Gay pride, had the best time ever, a really fun time with him. I was glad he was here...

It's been nice for me that he visits me because it's the time I get to spend the most with him over the last few years ever, and he really seems sorted about things now. (he's back with Daisy, but apart from that!!).

He arrived on Saturday morning, and we just had some breaky and hung out for a bit in my flat. Then we had to go and get the booze for the boat trip, so we went off and did that. After that it was pretty much getting ready and having a drink. I had on spandex silver leggings and a gold leotard, stuey had on tennis whites, he went as a tennis pro (I was an aerobic hoe). We cycled our way over to the boat, was really fun. On there, of course it was good, apart from my drink got drunk again and not by me, and then it peed it down for about 20 mins proper torrential rain (where I hid under stus poncho and he handed me beer in the side, so funny). Once we headed off down the canal after the parade, I took a half with him and that's where all the trouble began - we were both a bit munted, and then it becomes blurry!!

I can vaguely remember a sound stage, staying there for ages, that was rembrandtplein apparently, then we went to The Kroon, where me and stu had to swop clothes because the bouncer wouldn't let him in in shorts. So we swopped bottom halves (found this level above the entrance). Can't remember anything until weaving our way home on the bikes, and waking up in the morning having apparently made stueys bed without registering it, and feeling like I totally chewed the inside of my cheeks in. Hahaha. We were up fairly early at 9.30 or so.

We both had a good time though, and in a way (although I missed J), I don't know if I want him to see me like that just yet, plus not his cuppa tea, dress up,pumping housemusic, rembrandtplein. Although I now realise I have to see how he copes with all those places if this is every gonna work out - that was post yesterday's conversation.

Yesterday was a struggle, although we still managed to meet up with Fiona and Max (and Tanya met us there too), in Bakkerswinkel. I thought I wanted cake but ended up feeling really queasy, and had to go stand outside for a bit, it was too warm in there for me. Had this strange thing where I felt hungry but after I ate I felt really queasy and strange, I did a few sitting over the toilet dry heaving, but nothing decent. It happened after dinner too (we went out and got some thai takeaway to eat, and watch this ridiculous animation called MegaMind, I didn't enjoy it so went to bed kinda early).

This morning slept in til 10 although woke up first time at 5am, massive storms here. We had a nice fairly leisurely shower etc, then went for pancakes, and then a wander around the 9 streets, and ended up on the noordermarkt where we seemed to bump into everyone else who's not working today: Micala, Pete, Minty, Simon. Had a couple of beers then came back so stuey could get sorted and pack.

It's strange he's gone, definitely having a bit of a downer right now, but also because of the sad words I had with the man last night....

It's complicated.