So, after months of getting him out of my head. Guess where he is? Right back in there. God I miss him even more now. Bugger! I've obviously gone through the being mad stage and am right back at the 'I miss him and am never going to find someone as nice as him' stage. It's annoying!
I just have to hope that it's going to cycle around quicker this time, and I will not be left feeling rubbish for weeks - maybe a week, and then he'll start to fade away again. Particularly if he doesn't answer the email. It might be a good way not to have all these feelings again, if he doesn't answer - I'll know he can't handle hearing a few home truths.
If he does answer then I still don't want to see him anywhere near yet, or be friends with him at all yet, and so I haven't lost anything I didn't have before.
And I've got it all off my (email) chest.
It's just that today there was someone standing there smoking a cigarette outside that looked like him, and smiled and danced a bit like him, and I stared at him and thought 'You're beautiful' just like I used to stare at Mike and think the same thing, and not be able to believe that he was actually mine.
Then it turned out he never was mine. - are people ever?
I hate that I'm going to see people that remind me of him again...
I can't wait to get out of London and leave at least some of that behind - get a new, fresh, start, at least for a few months...I know I'm doing the right thing, and people keep asking me if I'm nervous about going. I'm not nervous, am excited, and just know that for me I'm doing the right thing. I am really going to miss all my friends though, I really am. (apart from everyone is going to come and visit me. Apparently, everyone wants to come to Amsterdam!)

I have to get myself motivated again though - work next week is looming, it's going to be good for me to do some before I get out there, not so much of a shock to the system I reckon!!