I am having such an interesting time lately.

Bit exhausting, but still interesting.

I've been really digging into makes me tick and getting my fingers right in there. It's a bit "confronting" I think is the term but it seems to be doing something. Not sure if it's the chanting I started doing but it's been easier since I broke up with the boy, and took a look at what happened there, how it made me feel, and why.

So, firstly been trying to waken up the latent thing deep inside me that over the past year or so pretty much vanished. Through a mixture of work being crazy, so many things on, not meeting anyone who made me feel that way, and...Not sure I'm there yet but I'm certainly getting a lot flirtier which for me is historically difficult. That's been nice. I notice it's mostly about just being smiley, happy with where you are, happy with who you are, and in Eckhart Tolle's words, just letting the moment and life be what it is. Not taking it all so seriously.

Then my thing about feeling left out quite a lot, so instead of sitting there and feeling left out, moving, and talking, and making an effort with those people who I find it difficult too. Can't say that I'm becoming best friends with them, but at least I'm talking to them and warming to them a little, and maybe they are to me? (at least it feels that way).

Work, acting more the way I want to be treated - of course I am still a freelancer, but if I want to be treated like I am not 'just a copywriter', then I need to act that way as well: take control of the areas I can, and try in the areas I find difficult, and do it slowly without putting all this pressure on myself to be perfect. ~We're all learning our way after all. That has made the work situation better because I feel better about it, and also I realise that I really can write and have this knack of knowing how and what people want to read, and writing it in a different way that I'm proud of...It's been a long time since I felt that way about my work, I know I'm good I guess (without sounding big headed), but it's satisfying to notice that sometimes I am more, dare I say it I can be great. Last agency did nothing for my confidence of feeling that way.

And in return the universe seems to be sending many interesting things my way, that I'm just trying to say 'yes' to as many as I can; then they seem to come back in other ways if that makes sense that makes it worth my while being so busy. They give me joy.

In short I am trying to, as much as possible do what I'm talking about in one of my books: see the beauty in the everyday. If you look hard enough it's there pretty much always there, you just have to know how to see it.

In danger of sounding a tad hippyish now (well flexing those muscles, Mrs Moore is coming into town next weekend, so better get flexing!)

x