I have had a lovely weekend, if a little more 'gechilled' than I was expecting. mostly because I still haven't quite kicked my cold.

I went out fri night on this date which was really nice, and then yesterday was up early and out to this flea market - on the north islands, 'IJ' or somewhere like that it's called. Had to get a ferry from the back of centraal. It was really fun, but spent the whole day wandering around in the cold, and on the way there in the morning I got quite wet too, so by time we got back (Nelleke and Jo K came with me too), via a lovely cafe on Zeedijk, I was pretty exhausted and feeling a bit blocked up again (after feeling better on Friday).
Was supposed to go out to the MULTISEXI party, but the thought of getting dressed up and going out on the tiles dancing wasn't doing it for me - so listened to my body for a change and didn't go. I will make one of those parties soon though, apparently they're quite good fun! And I have missed a really good boogie for a while. The next two weekends are pretty heavy for me, though, so would rather be quiet this one and then ramp it up for valentine's and my birthday.

I just met up with R (the ex dutch fling) for lunch. I don't know what it is about him (and yes he is lovely I stand by that statement,) but I just find him exhausting. I always come away feeling a little more energyless than the last time I saw him. For example, we were talking bout my mate J who got made redundant on Friday, and the fact my contract is up for renewal end of March. He immediately said I should be worried because the two other writers from Look/Cayenne are coming over. I hadn't thought about it like that, it's always been put to us that they will be kept as a very seperate entity, but of course as he pointed out what is really means is that there will be three writers on the payroll of one building. SO much for my 'well I'm the only writer there' and feeling in a strong position bollocks!
Maybe it's good I got this freelance stuff to pay for my hol to Cuba. I need a hol that's for sure, and I'm glad I booked it already because after that conversation I would possibly be a bit more hesitant.

Anyway, I know he's just saying what he thinks, he doesn't have much of a barrier between that and his mouth, and also always think the worst (remember my mobile incident, when he kept reminding me about my phone being stolen), and also what he said about my washing machine 'so it's just going to break again', he is a pessimistic fucker. Still it's good to bear these things in mind and not be too complacent about them. I wish he hadn't said it then though because now I have that worry on top of all my flat/work/writing traumas.

I certainly think it's a good move to try and shave some money off my living expenses with another option of flat, if I can. Then if the worst does happen I can stay for longer here and look for work. Glad I decided against the buying a place option, until at least I know my contract has been renewed...that would be another worry.

So perhaps the reason I haven't been sleeping very well (amongst others) is that I am een beetjes stressed about it all, albeit unconciousley until now. I'd better get everything in order I guess and wait it out - at least I won't get notice until after my birthday if that is the case...