I should start this with Mia got engaged!! That is very, very cool for her and Ingmar, it happened in New York and it was apparently very romantic in the front of the Empire State building...we both screamed loudly when she told us...really cool.
On the other side, maybe it isn't what I should be doing, but I will not go out with me, M&M again. Feel utterly exhausted. I am very, very VERY happy for them that everything is working out in the love department...really I am. For them it always was going to. But it doesn't mean that for me everything will work out and be the same. I can't comment on what they're going through except to say I am very happy for them, I have no idea what it feels like because I have never been anywhere close to where they are right now...and I'm a little fed-up of feeling like the odd one out. It's not their fault. But I defy them to be the one sat at a table of depressed singles lamenting their lot in life, and not come away feeling a little left out and depressed.
I think the comment 'you've got to be happy for her' did it for me. I am happy for her, for them both, but roughly 4 hours of talking about how happy they are makes me realised how unhappy I am, and how much of a different attitude I have to everything.
And that maybe instead of finding someone to whom that stuff is important, the same stuff as me, maybe I should be trying to find someone who is going to prove me wrong. To give me the same belief in everything that they have. Two wrongs most certainly don't make a right.

In the meantime all I can do is to not put myself in that position of an entire evening with them again, it might be ducking out, but really I need to be mixing with people in the same position as me, places where other people are single and getting out there, and not settling into an idealistic marital bliss.

Now I'm missing Sara and Aysens leaving party, which is at Struik, because I feel so drained (although I was feeling a little ill all day to be honest), that the thought of turning up there and being all happy and bubbly is just not going to happen. And I feel terrible about that!