Been having a bad day today. All the things I thought I had sorted in my head have been blowing around and around again.
Can I cope with travelling in Japan on my own? I'm not feeling my most sociable it has to be said, and I have these visions of it being a bit like that outpost place I stayed in Oz with no one around and nothing to do, and town a 16 dollar cab fare away each way :0(
Anyway, there is no use thinking like this, I just have to get something booked.
In the meantime today I miss M a lot. I don't know why today particularly, but I got my phone bill from Italy this morning (or opened it this morning), and it was huge. I had a look through it to figure out why, and there was the phone call to anna when he broke it off with me which was about 40 minutes long. I had all these flashbacks of what he said to me, pacing around upstairs, lying in the same bed as him afterwards and then moving to the sofa, of the drive up the coast and all those tears. It all came back to me.
I hate to admit it but I still miss him like hell.
I went out last night and at certain points was looking around at people comparing them to my beautiful kiwi boy, thinking no one even comes close to him for me.
This is a stupid thing to do, I know and have tried telling myself that, but it's what I keep thinking at the moment.
No one would even have a chance.
Then I feel all sorry for myself again, and start worrying about what I should be doing next, if I am doing the right thing, and where I should go, and I'm right back at the top of this post again.
Around and around.
Today, this sunday, has sucked. Big time. Let's hope the week now gets better....