I have been feeling a mixture of things recently/
Excited versus nervous
happy I'm leaving versus sad
relieved versus angry at the way everything turned out.

I'm not sure which of these will win out at all, but the wheels are in motion and I only have a couple of weeks left now, I can't believe how quickly the first two have gone.

I feel it's very final - I know that's good, but I guess the M and I thing hasn't felt all that final because I have been getting glimpses of him, hearing him laugh (which I hate - I used to love his laugh), saying hi or working together now and again. I have to keep reminding myself that this is me making it final - he already did his part in Italy....

On the plus side I haven't felt as bad about everything now I know I am moving on, I can sometimes go a whole day without really thinking about him or seeing him or talking to him, and that feels ok. Better since I realised I was missing a lot of what we had rather than him per se.
I have been on a couple of dates (get back on the horse as it were) although I'm really not ready for anything serious or even partly serious yet, I have been having a good time catching up with all my girl-friends, and going out partying a bit too much, probably.

And I think when I have time to think (and breathe!!) I have a lot of things I want to do and have to think about how I'm going to do them....that part is exciting.

I've had the feeling that M was all part of a blip, a dream, and that now I am getting back to reality. This isn't a particularly nice way to think about things apart from it helps me to move on. I hope I'm proved wrong!!