So...I warned you the decisions were coming, here they are.
After totally doing my head in for about two weeks worth of thinking and mulling things over I have come to the following conclusions:

1. I need to leave work. I was going to try and stay until Jan when my mortgage was up for renewal...as it is I may end up paying a higher rate and have to self cert. But I absolutely cannot sit in the same room as M for another 3 months - so it's tough. I hand my notice in next week. I'll deal with the rest.

2. I want to go to Japan. I thought about taking more time out and going to South America, but it seems my heart is pretty set on Japan (I couldn't muster up the same enthusiasm for going to see Macchu Picchu (sp?) and Argentina and the falls). I definitely still want to do this South American trip, it's just that now is not the right time for it. I really wanted to do it with that special someone - I may still end up doing it alone, but at a time when I can take more time out.

3. I have a long term plan (for a change). I want to try and work in the states for a year or two and check out New York, New York. I thought about working in Oz, New Zealand, , but the truth is that for my industry there is no other country where I can carry on doing the same standard of work as the States. Plus I really like it there.

4. This means a trip to Japan followed by finding a good new job and working my ass off for a good few months...I have to get my ass in gear - which right now I can't do working where I do.
4b) related to the above, I have to try and win an award - something I can do much better next year, hopefully still working with my current art director.

5. Having made the above decisions I feel so much better, and for the first time in a long while I am v v excited, which makes me think they must be the right ones!!

I hope I don't regret not taking more time out to travel (I am a bit of a bad one when it comes to this and haven't been away properly for ages!), but I think if I want a hope of getting to the States, I have to get my head down quicker and get back into work, and I have to try otherwise I will always regret it and wonder...if the worst comes to the worst, I freelance for a bit and go to South America anyway..bummer!

I also can't wait to hand my notice in, it's so my time to leave. I've been there almost exactly three years - my longest time in a job.