So I have a new policy.

When I feel sad I have to remember the happy part. I feel sad he wasn't the one - the one is out there somewhere. And now I have the chance to find him.
I feel sad that I won't ever lie beside him in bed any more, ask him how his day was, get those late texts about what I'm doing, feel excited to see him.
- I will get all this with someone else that I wouldn't have had before, new lying in bed with someone else, kissing someone new, texts from someone that loves me as much as I love him. Someone who is as excited to see me as I am to see him. And who wants to be with me as much as do with him.
I feel sad he won't take me to New Zealand, that I won't see all the things he told me about, places that were important to him.
- I can still go there with someone else. I can go somewhere else with someone else who can show me what's important to them and can tell me about about it just as much, and open up to me even more. I don't think M really ever opened up to me.
I feel sad that work is not the same and that I have to leave and that that part of my life (where I've been very happy) is over.
- I will work somewhere new, with new people, on new projects where I don't feel jaded and DON'T want to kill the client! I have the chance to work somewhere even better and do even better and push myself even more.
I feel sad that that part of my life is over.
- whenever I've felt like this before and felt like a part of my life was over, the part that came next was even better. It's on it's way!

I feel better, I think.

M said to me tonight that if I ever want to chat I can call him. I wanted to say, yeah but I won't - I have my pride, I don't want to need you, what's the point in wanting to speak to you when you don't need to speak to me, or even want to really.
Him being like this with me is making him feel like he did the right thing, that he's doing the right thing, that he's behaving the right way. Only because I think he hasn't done the right thing, behaved the right way, is still doing the right thing.

I also want to remember how much less attractive someone is when you're not in love with them any more. I don't get butterflies, look at him and think 'wow'. Now I think. Oh well, he's not that great.

Progress? I hope so. x