So I know that you shouldn't let people influence how you feel, but I'd like to know how you do that exactly?

I have had one of those days. As a writer (professionally) I was excluded out of some more strategy meetings, although I have had enough now. I sent around an email saying why I was annoyed with that.

Personally, I suppose I am a bit low. Not sure about the new man, then feel like am being unfair and possibly a scaredy-cat - I realise I am petrified of meeting someone new who does the same as the last two. Although I know there is no point feeling like that, it's what I feel, and it's really hard to break that.

The 'loser' at work also annoyed me on the way home. He really is a twat. It makes me feel really stupid, how could I ever have fancied him? Really!
He was going to Struik after work, and made it perfectly clear that I would not be welcome to go along with him and some other 'boys' earlier to wait until the others arrived (other people would be there later). I imagine how it would have been before, I'm sure he wouldn't have minded me tagging along. I then think, well, would I really want him to go anywhere I was going if I had the choice. Hell no!
Kimberlee said something like, don't worry Per has met you before, he just wanted to know whether you f*ucked J. Or something along those lines. I'm being hard on myself tonight because it's totally my own fault, and was he even worth it..No! Not one iota. I just didn't need that tonight, with feeling a little low and pooped and insecure about men.
If the other one goes wrong (which it seems increasingly likely to) then that is another whole group that it will be hard to hang out with. What is with that!!
I think J was lucky I was in this sort of mood, or you know what? I would've gone along and laughed really loudly, and dominated the conversation, and flirted with boys and hopefully have gone home with one. There in front of him. Not that he would care but would make me feel a whole lot better.
I guess I just don't feel very attractive at the moment. And having no one to talk to about it doesn't help - at home would just get one of my girlie friends out and we'd get dressed up, flirt, pull, have a riot.
I feel old.

I am feel like what am I doing here? Why am I doing this to myself, it can be so hard and I miss all my mates and my flat!! I miss familiarity. I hope J gets a taste of how that feels some time in his life, although I doubt he would even register in terms of 'oh that might be how some of the MC lot felt when I was being a twat'.

You'll be glad to hear am going home this weekend - it seems I might be in need of family & friends TLC.