Elizabeth came over to cheer me up a bit and it;s strange how similar we are when we talk about our particular hang-ups with men. Except we both have about opposite experiences - her Dad was too into her, mine was never around. She can't deal with intimacy because her Dad was too intimate and it freaks her our, I can't because my model is that I never knew that with my Dad, and deep down believe that no man could ever love me, because somewhere 'the little girl' in me believes that even though the grown up logical me knows that he did, he loved me so much but he just wasn't very good at showing it.
And mum wasn't very good at not reinforcing that to me, with all her negative man comments.
I have to remember that it wasn't my fault that they got together and weren't really right for one another...or that they then split up, and dumped a load of stuff on all us kids that we weren't really ready to handle right then.
If I look at my brothers it seems so unfair that they are so OK, but apparently, the most important person in the formation of that side of you is the opposite sex parent - this is what France told me too, because they are the one who develop that side of you.
Elizabeth gave me some exercises to do, and you know what, however skeptical, I will try them because if it helps me get over whatever hurdle I have right now, then it is worth it.
Mike just reinforced that feeling about myself - because he was another man who loved me that then just upped and left me, without me being able to really understand why. If I'm honest, I always kind of looked at him and couldn't believe that he was with me, that he wanted to be with me - and I guess in the end didn;t believe that he would stay with me, and he didn't. He (like Dad) wasn't good at any of the emotional stuff, talking about things, trying to work things out, he was quite cold and logical when it came down to it. Bastard!!
She says it might also be a reason why I get everything stolen, it can't always be about me because a lot of the time I'm not even there when it goes, although the stuff I have stolen when out could be.
If I keep expecting these things to happen then they're more likely to, it's like you're throwing something out there, a little seed that someone else can latch onto.
Like attracts like, and so will I.
All food for thought anyway...