I know I shouldn't let it, but the writing thing has really got me down today.

Last week I showed my outline and a chapter of 'the novel', and got very useful feedback but feedback that means another complete plan and re-write. My god I have a long way to go!

Today went to my other writing group where I was showing a short story and another short story they'd already seen. That annoying lady Tori was also showing her stuff. I find it so hard to crit her work because I really don't like her subjects or writing style particularly. (Iran and blunt) and I can see she doesn't give a fig what I say anyway, and probably feels the same way about my fluffy and descriptive writing.
So I sat most the class taking criticisms, and then not talking because there wasn't a lot I wanted to say about her piece, except I'm sure it'll be good once she's written more of it, but it just won't be my cuppa t.

I've got mixed feelings about that group, there are two american's, a dutchie, and now 3 iranians, and we just end up talking about politics, and iran, and childhood sweets, and the US, and things that really don't have a lot of bearing on the writing. I feel like probably 1/2 hour out of the hour and a half are really useful, and the rest is just chatter that I can't join in. I guess it's a social event too, right, but today I just came out feeling very frustrated, and a whole lot of tired, which is actually how I come out feeling a lot from those sessions.

I'm wondering whether quitting is the easy way out, or at least quitting for a bit. The other group is a lot more mixed, more people who I feel like I can add something by commenting, not just sit there silent. As I did today.

I also had a very tough day trying to work with the two at work who are like grumpy robots, sitting at their desk churning their own things out. I'm finding it so hard to work with them collaboratively - they make me feel like I'm bugging them, like my work is rubbish, like to want to talk with them is an inconvenience, not like we're all working together to get this great thing going. If it's the same tomorrow I'm going to have to say something to them, because I know it's just the way they work that makes me feel bad (I never felt that way with Anika and Thomas, or anyone else who will talk through what they're doing) and I felt a little that way when I had to work with them even on the SE crazy sht, where I had a lot more to say. Now I'm getting a bit worn out, and I know it's my problem but it's still hard to keep going when you know everything you say is going to be annoying, and stupid, and not taken seriously.

J even put me down in front of D today, he was like 'we got a few versions of copy already that weren't right, but now we're getting there', like he was working it out - the reality was I asked him once his opinion on something, he didn't want to talk about it, I showed him anyway, he told me it wouldn't work, and that it was working differently to the design (even though actually in the morning that's how we said it was going to work) sander came over and said it would almost work, I amended it, and now it's almost there. So that was attempt two, not 3/4.

Fuck, it's work and I shouldn't get upset about it, but it's really hard to work with those two!!!